Tuesday, April 5, 2022

I Stand All Amazed



Jesus suffered unimaginable pain and suffering at the end of his mortal life. After already experiencing intense pain in the Garden of Gethsemane, He was scourged, hit with a whip equipped with iron balls and sharp bones tied into leather strips. Then, a crown of thorns was placed on his head and he was forced to walk to Calvary hill carrying a portion of the cross that likely weighed between 75 and 125 pounds. He was then nailed to the cross in the hands, wrist, and feet with a 5-7 inch iron nail. Then, he was raised up to suffer a horrible death that often caused a person to suffocate slowly over the course of a few days. At the peak of this physical suffering, the Savior then experienced spiritual death, the withdrawal of the Holy Ghost and His Fathers influence. After all this pain, Jesus willingly and intentionally left his mortal body. 


Without the juxtaposition of the crucifixion and death of the Savior, there would be no glory in the morning of the resurrection. As painful as death and suffering are in this life, I know that there can be hope and joy through the atonement of Jesus Christ. I know that because of Jesus’ voluntary role as my Savior, I can change, I can rejoice, I can have peace in this life. 

Monday, June 10, 2019

Parable of the Indian Butter Chicken



Parable of the Indian Butter Chicken
This last Thursday I received a text message around 3:30 in the afternoon reminding me that the sister missionaries were coming to eat dinner at our house and asking if 6 would be a good time. I was so excited to cook up my favorite meal for them: Indian Butter Chicken. Unfortunately I was nowhere near ready. I had an online test to finish for school, the house looked like a tornado had touched down, and I was missing an ingredient on my list.
I rushed to finish my test and pick up what I could around the house, judging that I could run to the store around 5 and be back in time to get the food finished before they arrived. Little did I know that in the course of me “running” to the store and back I would get stuck behind not one, but TWO trains and that my six-month old would throw up all over the seat of the car right as I was putting her in. Not only that, but, my glorious Indian Butter Chicken recipe would create a garam masala volcano all over the kitchen soon after I began the cooking process. Needless to say, it was well after 6 before dinner was finally ready. Luckily the sister missionaries took pity on the headless chicken that I was and kindly helped me finish up.
Parable of The Ten Virgins
Now, fortunately I have been studying my scriptures this week preparing for this talk and as all the mayhem was occurring the Spirit whispered an important thought into my heart: I was being the foolish woman Jesus talked about in his parable of the ten virgins! I had the chance to have representatives of Jesus Christ come to my house for dinner and I had waited until the last moment to prepare!
In the New Testament we read about the parable I referred to. During his last week on earth Jesus taught his disciples about the dangers of procrastination by telling a story about ten women waiting to go to a wedding. In the parable the women take their lamps in preparation to wait for the bridegroom, who according to Jewish tradition would come at a time that was decided by his father and not known by anyone else. The women waited what must have been a long time, and then at midnight the call came that the bridegroom was on his way! 5 of the women were prepared for his coming and lit their lamps with the extra oil they’d brought while the other 5 were left scrambling, much like I was in preparation for dinner with the missionaries. They wanted to make that last trip to the store, but it was too late, the festivities had already begun and they were left behind. I wonder what those 5 women were busy doing while the others were preparing? Were they slaving away trying to make their houses spotless? Were they occupied with comparing one another’s outfits and hairdos? Were they catching up on the latest entertainment series or news report or social media discussions?
Where Will This Lead?
In a talk this past April President Oaks stated: “We make many choices between two goods, often involving how we will spend our time. There is nothing bad about playing video games or texting or watching TV or talking on a cell phone. But each of these involves what is called “opportunity cost,” meaning that if we spend time doing one thing, we lose the opportunity to do another. I am sure you can see that we need to measure thoughtfully what we are losing by the time we spend on one activity, even if it is perfectly good in itself. As we make current decisions, we should always be asking, “Where will this lead?” (Oaks, 2019).
There was nothing wrong with the activities that I had planned to accomplish before the missionaries arrived, but when reflecting on the “opportunity cost” between making sure my house was spotless and having dinner prepared I chose to focus on the outward appearance of my home in place of having food ready so that the missionaries could be effective and timely with their schedules.
Small and Simple Things
This instance might not have been an eternally significant one, and oftentimes the situations in which we have to make similar decisions don’t seem to be that important either. However, the Lord has taught that “by small and simple things are great things brought to pass” (Alma 37:6) For example, when my husband and I were first married we determined that we would make an effort to attend the temple weekly while living here in Rexburg. Unfortunately that goal has been thwarted many weeks due to the preference we give to less important activities. One week in particular we delayed our temple attendance until late Saturday evening. Feeling good that we were still making an “effort” we hurried to the temple only to find that the doors had closed just minutes before we arrived. I don’t remember exactly what things got in the way of our opportunity to be in the house of the Lord, but I do remember the disappointment I felt as I looked in at the temple workers through the locked door. Had we asked ourselves with each activity “Where will this lead?” we might have had the chance to participate in saving ordinances that week, a blessing that would have added to our reservoir of faith.
Does It Make A Difference?
Another example of this important principle can be seen in the story of the starfish. One day a man was walking along the beach when he noticed a boy picking something up and gently throwing it into the ocean. Approaching the boy, he asked, “What are you doing?” The youth replied, “Throwing starfish back into the ocean. The surf is up and the tide is going out. If I don’t throw them back, they’ll die.” “Son,” the man said, “don’t you realize there are miles and miles of beach and hundreds of starfish? You can’t make a difference!”
After listening politely, the boy bent down, picked up another starfish, and threw it back into the surf. Then, smiling at the man, he said…” I made a difference for that one.”
The boys small act of service seemed only to impact the lives of the few starfish he was able to save. However, I am sure that young boy saving starfish would grow to become a man saving souls. The small acts of service that we perform throughout our lives take effect on our character to develop us into dedicated disciples of Christ. Elder D. Todd Christofferson stated, “The more we serve our fellowmen in appropriate ways, the more substance there is to our souls.” In addition to asking ourselves “Where will this lead” as we make daily decisions I wonder if we could include the question “Will this make a difference?”
Have I Done Any Good?
It is interesting to note that according to Jewish customs, the ten virgins waiting for the bridegroom were most likely bridesmaids whose responsibility it was to light the way for the bridegroom. If we are to consider ourselves those bridesmaids, we see that our actions indeed light the way for others to come unto Christ. The opportunities to present this light to others will not always be clearly spelled out beforehand. We must be prepared to serve in any instance that the Lord asks. President Thomas S. Monson, an incredible example of constant service stated, “I am confident it is the intention of each member of the Church to serve and to help those in need. At baptism we covenanted to “bear one another’s burdens, that they may be light.”8 How many times has your heart been touched as you have witnessed the need of another? How often have you intended to be the one to help? And yet how often has day-to-day living interfered and you’ve left it for others to help, feeling that “oh, surely someone will take care of that need.”
“We become so caught up in the busyness of our lives. Were we to step back, however, and take a good look at what we’re doing, we may find that we have immersed ourselves in the “thick of thin things.” In other words, too often we spend most of our time taking care of the things which do not really matter much at all in the grand scheme of things, neglecting those more important causes.” In adding to our list of evaluating questions I add, quoting my favorite hymn, “Have I done any good in the world today?”
I understand that we all have many tasks calling for our time and attention. Many of these tasks really are important to our temporal well-being, but perhaps we could aim more effort to sacrificing the unimportant to make room for the eternally essential. Or as President Oaks put it, “We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families” (Oaks).
Prepare Now
In the Book of Mormon the missionary Amulek teaches “NOW is the time and the day of your salvation...THIS life is the time for men to prepare to meet God…” (Alma 34:31-32). Working as a nurse at the hospital I witnessed the challenges that many people go through as they face unexpected illnesses and accidents. Of the patients I watched slip from this life to the next, few were forewarned that their time on earth had come to an end. I have often wondered whether or not I am prepared to be in their shoes. Just like the ten virgins waiting for the bridegroom we “know neither the day nor the hour” when we will be called up to our heavenly home. Our time on earth is so small compared to forever, but each moment is a brushstroke on the canvas of eternity.  The choices that we make will ultimately make us.
If you are anything like me you may find yourself feeling overwhelmed by the quantity of “to-do’s” and “to-becomes” on your agenda. Fortunately for us we have been blessed with the fortifying teachings of the gospel and the guiding influence of the Holy Ghost. Elder Uchtdorf teaches ,“Strength comes not from frantic activity but from being settled on a firm foundation of truth and light. It comes from placing our attention and efforts on the basics of the restored gospel of Jesus Christ. It comes from paying attention to the divine things that matter most” (Uchtdorf, 2010).
When the time comes will we be scrambling for that last ingredient or will we be ready to invite the Savior in confidently, knowing that we will feel comfortable in his presence because we have tried to be like Him. The choice is ours and the time to decide is now. With each decision that faces us, let us ask ourselves “Where will this lead?” “Will it make a difference?” And ultimately “Have I done any good in the world today?”
I have faith that my Savior will return. This faith encourages me to “try a little harder to be a little better” each day as President Hinckley used to say. I look forward to that day with hopes that I will feel confident in His presence. I cannot be perfect until that day, but in the meantime I will try my hardest to be perfect at repenting. I know that we are children of God and that this life is part of an eternal plan of happiness and salvation. I know that families indeed can be together forever. I know that Jesus Christ lived, suffered, died, and lives again for me and for you. I know that by following the gospel of Jesus Christ we can find true happiness in this life and in the life to come.

Monday, April 24, 2017

One More Reason... And Counting!

Alright... so almost two whole years have passed since I returned home from serving a mission and the reasons I have to smile just keep coming and coming. At times I've had to remind myself that some experience I'd already decided to label as a trial really could make me smile, while at other times I found myself smiling without knowing there was even a reason at all. Life really is full of both ends of the spectrum. In all honesty though, I could not be happier with the way my life has turned out the past two years. I'm grateful for all the ups and downs I've experienced and wouldn't trade the growth I've gained for anything.

One of the most recent (and I would say THE biggest) reasons I have found to smile comes in the form of this handsome man....


On December 28, 2016 Hermana Jones became Mrs. Fillerup! It was the best beginning to a wonderful life and eternity with this incredible companion I can now call my husband.





As I'm sitting here thinking about how great the last four months have been I can't seem to put my happiness into words. I don't mean to boast, because believe me neither of us is perfect and there are times that life could be looked at with more distaste, but the overall flavor of my life right now is an ecstatically sweet one.

I love my husband. I love the Gospel of Jesus Christ (without that, I would no doubt linger too long on the bitter moments I've had). I'm loving life and I'm smiling away.

Con amor,

Hermana Fillerup














Sunday, February 14, 2016

Hope On

The opposite of hope is despair. The dictionary defines despair by saying that despair means “To no longer have any hope or belief that a situation will improve or change” Some synonyms with despair are: discouragement, anguish, unhappiness, misery, defeat.

Think for a moment on a time that you have felt the lowest, the most helpless, and the most hopeless. Personally these feelings have come to me at times that I felt I was failing. Times when I doubted my abilities and suspected that everyone else was doing the same.
I believe that desperation can lead to great things. Just as a diamond is formed from the weight of the world, so too can we be refined at our most difficult and desperate moments.

Here are a few examples that illustrate this principle perfectly:
  • In one of Fred Astaire's first screen tests, an executive wrote: "Can't sing. Can't act. Slightly balding. Can dance a little." He went on to star in over 35 films and multiple television shows.

  • After Harrison Ford's first small movie role, an executive took him into his office and told him he'd never succeed in the movie business. Ford's career went on to span six decades, not to mention he played the iconic roles of Han Solo and Indiana Jones

  • Vincent Van Gogh sold only one painting in his life, and the sale was just months before his death.

  • Albert Einstein did not speak until he was four years old and didn't read until he was seven. His teacher described him as "mentally slow, unsociable and adrift forever in his foolish dreams."
  • Babe Ruth had 1,330 strike outs in his career. He continues to remain third on the world record list of homeruns.
  • Thomas Edison's teachers told him he was "too stupid to learn anything." Edison went on to hold more than 1,000 patents and invented some world-changing devices, like the phonograph, practical electrical lamp, and a movie camera.

  • Michael Jordan: Most people wouldn’t believe that a man often lauded as the best basketball player of all time was actually cut from his high school basketball team. Luckily, Jordan didn’t let this setback stop him from playing the game and he has stated, “I have missed more than 9,000 shots in my career. I have lost almost 300 games. On 26 occasions I have been entrusted to take the game winning shot, and I missed. I have failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.”


Do you get it? Failure, a word we so strongly fear, if handled correctly, has the ability to turn us into just the opposite. In a talk by Elder Neal M. Maxwell he stated:


Hope is realistic anticipation taking the form of determination—a determination not merely to survive but to “endure … well” to the end” He went on to say: ‘a “brightness of hope” produces illuminated individuals...Such hope permits us to “press forward” even when dark clouds oppress. Sometimes in the deepest darkness there is no external light—only an inner light to guide and to reassure”

I know that life can be difficult. I know that sometimes hope seems like such an abstract idea, but I promise you that inside each and every one of us there is the divine nature to succeed. If your doubt continues within you I invite you to try your hardest to muster up the tiniest seed of hope and as Alma says  yea, even if ye can no more than desire to believe, let this desire work in you, even until ye believe in a manner that ye [may succeed].”  Even if you only have a desire to hope. I know that through the Savior our desperation can turn to hope, our fear can turn to faith, and our failures to glories. I know that in the strength of the Lord we can do all things (Alma 26:12).
As an ending quote I live you with wise words from Dr. Seuss (whose first book by the way was rejected 27 times before it was published):

“You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself in any direction you choose.You’re on your own, and you know what you know. You’re the guy who’ll decide where to go.”

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Not the End

Well, it's been a while, I know. I've been home for 3 months now and life continues moving forward. It's harder than I expected, but I'm still going.

In missionary life it is common to hear phrases referring to death
when talking about a missionary coming to the end of their missionary service.
And as silly as it sounds, that is exactly what it feels like. It's like the best time of your life has ended (keeping in mind that most returned missionaries are around 20-25 years old) and everything you worked so hard to accomplish in the last 18 months/2 years is just abruptly terminated.

The very day that I returned home my parents took me to visit with my local stake president for a final missionary interview. As I walked into his office I knew that the end had definitely come, but I had this surreal feeling that I would leave that interview still a full-time missionary. In that short time with him he asked me to share my feelings about the mission I had served, what I had learned, what I planned to do now that I had returned, and he gave me various words of wisdom to be able to function in life as a normal human being.

Then he brought my parents into the room and said the fateful words:
"Sister Jones, I need your nametag." And I just started bawling.
All throughout the interview I would tear up every now and then, but I was generally happy, until that fateful moment. When he said those words, I felt like he was asking me to literally tear my physical heart from my chest. Like my identity, everything I had been for 18 months, was gone. I was left with nothing. A blank space.

After 3 months of thinking back on this experience, I feel that I can finally say that the blank space I so terribly feared represents not a loss
of who I was, but rather a glimmer of hope for who I can become. An empty page on which I can carve a new name tag. The shadow of the old will forever remain, but the one I am now forging is much more permanent.
I will never forget the mission.
I will never forget Mexico.
I will never forget what I learned and who the Lord helped me become.
But that does not mean that I must remain stationary on this path of life. There is a long road ahead of me with many more ups and downs to traverse, and I'm ready.

Maybe they are right, ending the mission IS kind of like dying, but just like our physical death is not the end of our existence, 
I know that my missionary death is not the end of me.

Monday, May 25, 2015

THAT Is Why Savannah Smiles

Brightly beams our Father's mercy
From his lighthouse evermore,
 But to us he gives the keeping
Of the lights along the shore.

(Chorus)

Let the lower lights be burning;
Send a gleam across the wave.
Some poor fainting, struggling seaman
You may rescue, you may save.

Dark the night of sin has settled;
Loud the angry billows roar.
Eager eyes are watching, longing,
For the lights along the shore.

Trim your feeble lamp, my brother;
Some poor sailor, tempest-tossed,
Trying now to make the harbor,
In the darkness may be lost.


This last Sunday was one of the best I have yet to experience here in the mission. We were able to witness one of our brothers begin a new life 
as he stepped into the baptismal waters and covenanted with His Father 
that he would always follow Him. The first song we sang was 
"Brightly Beams Our Father's Mercy" (Number 335 in the Hymnbook
and as we began to sing the chorus i could not keep the tears from flowing. 
This song describes perfectly our purpose as missionaries. 
Everything that I have been trying to do while here in Mexico this year and a half. 
"Some poor fainting, struggling seaman you may rescue, you may save."  


I love being a missionary. 
I thank my Father in Heaven each and every day for giving me the opportunity to represent his Son and to share this message of hope and love. 18 months have passed by so fast and I am amazed at all of the wonderful people I have been blessed to meet. 

If you have the chance to go on a mission
DO IT and serve with everything you've got
It will be one of the best decisions you will ever make in all of your  life. 
God loves us! 
He sent his Son to earth to save us. 
Our Father has restored The Church of Jesus Christ and His priesthood power. 
Forgiveness is possible. 
Miracles exist. 
We are children of God. 

That is why Savannah smiles.